OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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