Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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