my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
