My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
