he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just gargled with NyQuil
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
