im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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