What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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