can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
