she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
