These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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