Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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