I wanna passion pit in your ass
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have surprise drugs for everyone
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
