So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
