woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
