Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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