You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Shame - the story of my life.
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