Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hippo gnu deer
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
