I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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