dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
