tell your sister to shave her snatch
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike