My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
