She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself