Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.