sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail