Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.