WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
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I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.