Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
nutella sex= disaster
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
