I think I am morally bankrupt
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
