ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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