I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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