You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
