So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
