So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just pee around me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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