Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
