therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
