the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
