Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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