I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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