saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
