nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
