I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
