I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
