where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I cannot find my penis.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
