I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
