her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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