I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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