One girl and one boy is just not enough.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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