How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
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So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
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I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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