I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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