Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
