i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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