Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize