Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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