im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
