Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize