Will you blow on my dice?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
