dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
