I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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