Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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