one might say we're banned from that church
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
