we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
