I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
