Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
