we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
