i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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