oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
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I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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