I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
